The holidays are knocking at our door — a season we long for, a season filled with gratitude, tradition, and time with the people we love. And yet, for so many of us, this time of year also brings its own version of emotional landmines: difficult personalities, conversations we don't want to engage in, old patterns resurfacing, and moments that trigger overwhelm or steal our peace.
In today's episode, we're creating a Holy Headspace — Holiday Edition: a grace-filled, grounded approach to navigating gatherings, expectations, and emotional complexity without losing yourself (or your sanity). Together, we walk through the difference between what is and is not within our control — and how reclaiming that truth can change everything about how we experience this season.
Inside the episode, we dig into:
✨ Why understanding your locus of control is essential for emotional freedom ✨ How to release the pressure to fix, change, or manage other people ✨ Simple tools to reclaim your peace in triggering moments ✨ What healthy boundaries look like in real-life family dynamics ✨ How to stay rooted in your identity, values, and integrity ✨ How to approach the holidays with clarity, compassion, and Christ-centered calm
You'll also hear a real story from a moment while substitute teaching — one that became the perfect example of what it looks like to stand in your integrity, discern what's yours to carry, and let go of what isn't.
If you've ever left a holiday gathering feeling drained, irritated, anxious, or guilty — this episode will help you shift into a new way of showing up: rooted, peaceful, resilient, and held by grace.
If today's conversation helped you, share it with a friend who needs a little extra peace this season. And if you want support applying these tools—or navigating food, emotions, or boundaries with more confidence—email me at kara@karatrochta.com. Let's explore whether coaching is a good fit for you.
Join The Nourished to Bloom Community: www.community.karatrochta.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/karatrochta
The Nourished to Bloom Podcast Show Notes: www.podcast.karatrochta.com/shownotes
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The holiday season is definitely knocking on our doorstep.
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And I know while many of us look forward to the holidays and time to
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spend with family and friends, we also can
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agree that sometimes there are definitely some personalities that are a little bit
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difficult to be around. There's conversations that
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really you don't want to be a part of, or there's some sort of
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trigger that inevitably happens and it leads to overwhelm
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and it robs you of any joy or peace that you're
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trying to hold onto in the chaos of all the holidays. And so what I
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want to offer you up in today's episode is how to Create a Holy
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Headspace Holiday Edition so we're really going to be able
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to dive into what it looks like to control what we can
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control, to let go of and surrender what we need to
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surrender, and then how to set some healthy boundaries so you
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can navigate the holidays, but really being able to focus on
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what is most important and doing it in a way that is
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peace filled and joyful for you.
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Welcome to the Nourish to Bloom podcast where your faith meets your
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health. I'm your host, Kara Trachta, a registered dietitian and
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certified Catholic coach, and I'm here to help you cultivate a deeper connection
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with your body, your spirit, and the nourishment that sustains them
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both. In a world filled with noise and
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confusion about food, health and body image, this podcast
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offers truth and healing from a Christ centered perspective.
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Together we'll untangle the deep roots of diet culture and discover
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what it means to truly care for ourselves through joyful
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nourishment of mind, body and soul. We're here to dive into
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the transformative power of intuitive eating coupled with the rich teachings of our
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Christian faith. With every episode, I'll be cheering you on,
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offering insights, inspiration and practical tools to help
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you heal your relationship with food and embrace the beauty
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of your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit. With
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confidence and courage that can only be found in Christ.
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Join me as we journey together towards a more holistic approach to wellness,
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one that honors the wisdom of your body as God's creation,
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the teachings of our faith, and the unique purpose you're called to fulfill.
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You were made to bloom, to come into
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full beauty and health in order to bear good fruit for the Lord with
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your life. So if you're ready to nourish your body, feed your soul
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and bloom into the best version of yourself, then you're in the right place.
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And I'm so happy you're here. Welcome to Nourish
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to bloom, where every day is a sacred invitation to
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thrive. Hey there.
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Welcome back to the Nourish to Bloom podcast. So happy to be spending some
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time here with you this week. So I kind of had this
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other podcast planned and I'm really, really excited about it. We're actually
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going to dive into it starting next week. And it's really this
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idea of writing the next chapter of your sacred
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story. And I'm so excited to bring it to you. It's something that I feel
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like the Lord has been putting on my heart for the last few months and
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how I think it's a perfect time, really dig into
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that around Advent and the beginning of a new year and really
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letting the Christmas story that began
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with Mary's yes to the Lord really be something that we can
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lean into as we start to look at this next year, as we
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start to really figure out maybe what's next for you, what is the
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next thing you're working on. But before we got into that,
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I had this thought of, you know, Thanksgiving is coming
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up and I know that we talked a little bit about
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Thanksgiving and eating and Christmas and, you know, all the holidays and all
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the eating that can come with that. But when we're looking at this,
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this whole person wellness, this idea of,
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of, you know, Christ centered wellness, looking and seeing the
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whole woman, I mean, I would be
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silly not to talk about the emotional and
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mental overwhelm that we can
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experience during the holidays with everything that we are trying
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to do and navigate and. Yeah,
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so what I really thought would be great and this is kind of, again,
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the Lord speaking to me in the moment was I really
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want to talk about how we can focus on
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having that holy headspace during the holiday season,
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what that looks like. So some tools that you can use, some
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reminders that I think we all need on being
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able to navigate the holidays,
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do all the things, the wonderful things that we do as mom,
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and still be able to, one, enjoy the holidays and two,
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come out of it still feeling peaceful. That
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we are able to really focus on what the holidays
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are about, that we are able to enjoy
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time with friends and family, even though those
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situations can be emotionally and mentally draining and
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exhausting, but just really be able to
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go through the holidays in a healthy way, physically,
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mentally and emotionally. And I think, you know, we've talked about the physical
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piece. So I really want to spend today talking about kind of that mental and
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emotional health and well, being through the
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holiday season because. And this is kind of really
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triggered by a situation that I went through last week
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and replaying the situation and figuring out, could I have done
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anything differently? Should I have done anything differently? Did I
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handle it in the best way? And honestly, really being able to
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leave the situation, I mean,
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honestly a little bit shocked, but for the
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most part feeling peace about the situation.
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And so what I mean is I subbed at one
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of the local middle schools in my area
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and I was only there for half a day and my
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first class for the day happened to be an 8th
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grade class and the teacher was still there before I,
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before I like came into, to take her place.
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And so she had given them assignment, an assignment that they needed to work
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on while I was there during that period.
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And so, you know, I take over and I'm kind of walking around
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and you know, there's two tables that are like really deep into the
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assignment. They're focused on what they're doing. There's some chat, some
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chit chatting, but like they're doing what they're supposed to be doing.
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There's another group, happened to be all boys,
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there's like 30 something kids in this class and like only four boys. And
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you know, they're kind of joking around, but like I could get them to
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kind of do some work. And then I had a group
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of girls who
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I can honestly say that I
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texted my husband and said, I pray
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and I will do everything within my mind to not have
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my daughter grow up to be like these girls.
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And that might not be the most loving or Christian thing, but
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it was rough. So I had this table of girls who
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literally refused to do the assignment. Wouldn't even
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start it or attempt it. And I
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asked them several times. I would walk around, you know, can you, can you work
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on your assignment if they were doing something else? Like, hey, I'm
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fine if you do that, but do your assignment first.
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Refused, completely refused.
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Instead, they straightened their hair
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with a straightening iron, they put makeup
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on, they watched
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videos on YouTube and other things.
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And I know what you're thinking. Like, man, Kara, you had the really
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poor classroom management. But at this point
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it was clear that anything else that I was going to do
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would probably have created an even more hostile environment.
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And so I kind of navigated it in the best way that I
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could. Like y', all, I asked them several times and at some point
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it's, it's out of my control. I cannot make them do this
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assignment. It is on them. And
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so I had to let it go. But through this, there were conversations that
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were going on when I would ask them and, and you Know, there was arguments
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about doing this or doing that and how is
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acting as a substitute teacher? And, like, why couldn't I
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be cool like the regular teacher? And. And I
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said. I said, you know, it's completely fine that that teacher does this thing
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this way, but this is how I'm
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gonna do it. Like, I have to walk out of this classroom with
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integrity and making sure that I did things based off of my morals and my
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values. And, like, at the end of the day, I have to answer to that.
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And, you know, what happens if an admin walks in and you're not doing what
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you're supposed to be doing? That's on me. And then I don't get to come
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back and be a substitute teacher.
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They honestly didn't have any empathy or care for
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that. But it was just this moment of, like, when we
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get in these situations. And I think this can happen for
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a lot of us during the holidays when we're around difficult people, when we're around
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people who, gosh, they just, like, get under our skin.
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We want to be able to control
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the situation. We want to be able to, like, change them,
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to make them see it the way that you want to see it.
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And we end up compromising our peace.
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We end up compromising our mental and emotional energy in these
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situations. And so I use this as an example of
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how we can navigate the holidays with this
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holy headspace. And the first thing, and I think the most important
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thing, is really understanding in these
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situations, understanding what your
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locus of control is. And maybe you've never heard of
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locus of control, but locus of control refers to the
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degree to which individuals believe they have
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agency or control and influence over their lives.
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And this concept of locus of control was developed by
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Julian Rotter. And so it's just this idea of
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what you have control over, what you believe you have control
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over. And for a lot of us, we probably believe we have
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control over a lot of things, but really and truly
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we don't. And we can look to
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the Catechism of the Catholic Church, number 1731. It says,
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Freedom is the power rooted in real reason and will
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to act or not to act, to do this or that.
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And so to perform deliberate actions on one's
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own responsibility, by free will, one shapes
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one's own life. So the. The Catechism of
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the Catholic Church encourages us to develop and. And
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to have what we're going to call this internal locus of control.
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So to understand what an internal locus of control is, you have to know what
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an external locus of control so external locus of control
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means that a person believes that outside circumstances,
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other people, luck or fate, have control over what
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happens to them, their lives and their future. They
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may feel less in control. They're reactive to situations
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they see. They feel like they're powerless.
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And they tend to attribute successes and failures to outside
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forces, to things around them. Now, in contrast,
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having an internal locus of control,
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this person thinks that their thoughts,
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their choices, and their efforts can shape and influence their
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lives and their future. They know what they
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can change, and they focus their energy towards making the
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difference there. They can also acknowledge what they can't change,
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and they accept and surrender those things. They tend to
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be mentally healthier, feel more confident and motivated, and take
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responsibility for their actions. And having an internal
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locus of control is foundational to developing personal
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moral authority. So
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what does internal locus of control
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look like compared to external locus of control?
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So what is within your control? The things that are
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within your own control are your thoughts, your
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emotions, your actions, your decisions,
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your gifts, and your values.
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One more time. What is in your control is your thoughts, your emotions, your
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actions, your decisions, your gifts and your values.
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In contrast, the things that are outside of your locus control
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are others thoughts, others emotions, others
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actions, others decisions, others gifts, and
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others values.
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So we have to know that the only things in these
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situations that we can control are our own thoughts, our own
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emotions, our own actions, our own decisions, our own gifts and values.
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And that can be really, really hard
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because we want to be able to control other people's thoughts. We want to be
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able to control other people's emotions. But we also,
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when we do not understand what is within our internal
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locus of control, we believe that other people's
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thoughts, other people's emotions, other people's actions
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control our thoughts, our emotions and our actions.
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And that is not true. We jump over
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our own boundaries when we think other people's
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actions cause us to feel a certain way,
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when the reality is, is that it is your own thoughts about
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their actions that is making you feel that particular
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emotion, right? And so
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this is important because this helps us understand that these boundaries that we want to
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have start internally. And it starts with
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understanding the things that you can control, which are only
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your own, your own things, right? You cannot control other people's
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thoughts, emotions, actions, any of that.
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And so this is really important because what this allows us to
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do is that we can establish
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boundaries. We can create this holy headspace because we are not
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being bombarded. Our minds are not filled with the
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noise of, well, you know, aunt, so and
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so said this and it made me act this way
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and on and on and on. No, no, no, no, no. This is understanding
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that Aunt so and so is going to do what Aunt so and so is
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going to do, but you have a choice in how you
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react and the things that you think, the way that you feel and the
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things that you do based off of whatever it is that she said or did.
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So you have a choice. This is where you
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can have power, this is where you can have control, and this is how you
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can reclaim your peace during the holiday
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season. And so all of this is crucial to know because it helps us
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to establish boundaries, it helps us to clarify our
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responsibilities. Understanding what's within your own locus
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of control and understanding what's within
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somebody else's locus of control, it allows you
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to name a boundary, right?
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It's. It's understanding that you
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know where your limit is and you can recognize when
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a boundary has been crossed and understand that
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a boundary is there to protect you
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and that you're not responsible. You're not there to rescue, to fix, or
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to change somebody else. And you're also not there to take
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responsibility for them or from them.
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It also helps you detach from outcomes, right? You don't have to
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carry the weight of what somebody else is going through
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because they're real. It's really not yours to own.
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And it helps you manage your empathy, right? It helps
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you to stay connected and compassionate without absorbing somebody
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else's emotional state. And it allows
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you to be more
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objective and honestly, more empathetic instead of trying
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to take on their emotional
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baggage or whatever. It really allows you to. To
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clearly know where your empathy
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gets to and then where their, their responsibility takes
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place, right? You can empathize without having to fix, without having to
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rescue. And then it allows you to
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take ownership of your own things. It allows you to understand,
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again, what is within your control and be able to
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navigate that and not feel like
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you have to completely solve everybody else's problems or
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everybody else's situation. And so this is how this can help
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you really stay healthy
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throughout this holiday season, because you're not going to give away
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your mental and emotional energy to things that
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are really with. Out of your control,
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right? It allows you to
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really be able to have that, those.
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Those healthy boundaries. And it allows you to just.
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Not be overwhelmed, not feel like you're a victim to
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everybody else's situation or whatever everybody else is going
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through. So I hope that makes sense. Right?
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So I'm just going to give you a, a quick little
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Example, right? So I want you to think about
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a recent time or that you struggle to set or maintain
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boundaries with someone. And you can think about past holiday situations. When has this
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ever come up? Right. So I'm going to give you an example that
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somebody that I have worked with gave me. So their mother in law texted
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them to confirm details about the weekend. And
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it really irritated this person because they had just
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talked on the phone about it. Like why can't this person remember
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that we just talked about this? Why are we getting a text? Right.
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And this person also feels
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like part of this is that her mother in law thinks that they never spend
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enough time with them when they,
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when in reality that the person, the
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client really believes that they try their hardest,
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they try so hard to make sure that they see everyone,
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you know, during the weekend or on the holidays, right? Like they're, they're the ones
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who are traveling, they're the ones who are going to all the places and making
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all the stops. And
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when you take this and you look at it, okay, so what is
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outside of this person's of control? What is outside of
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this person's control? Well, it's really her thoughts or her emotions
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to whatever she believes. Her mother in law thinks about
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how much time is spent where, right. She cannot control if her mother
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in law believes or acts or says things that,
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oh well, you spend more time with, with this set of side of the
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family and not enough time with us and you know, all of those things that's
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outside of her control. She cannot control what her mother in law is thinking or
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her behavior or her emotions. So what she can
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control are these feelings of being irritated,
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these feelings of like almost this, this
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martyrdom, like, ah, look at me, woe is me, I do all of these things,
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right? And so we can start to look at these different
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situations. We can start to kind of ride out
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these, these past situations that have maybe happened to us at certain holidays.
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Like the people who tend to always be a trigger and understand,
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okay, well what is it that they're saying? What is it that they're doing that's
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a tr. And understand that it's a trigger for us
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because we have a particular thought about whatever that situation
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is, whatever it is they said, whatever it is they did. And then that
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thought is what produces our particular emotion. And then
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we behave based off of whatever the emotion is. So if we can
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start to look at this and use kind of that mind mapping tool that we've
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used in the past when we're talking about creating this Holy
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headspace. We can really start to see
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that, okay, this person is a trigger, and this is what I have
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thought in the past and start to say, okay, how could I handle this differently?
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What could I do differently? What could I think differently in this situation?
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How can I navigate this situation in a different way than I have in the
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past? And understand that as much as you want to avoid
00:21:42
that conversation, as much as you want that person to change or not do this
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or that thing, you have no control over that. But you can control,
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and you can choose how you're going to respond. And that
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allows you to not be a victim to your emotions, to be
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a victim to other people's circumstances. And it's going to
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allow you to keep your peace during the holiday season.
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So take some time this week and maybe write out some
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of these situations that have happened in the past and really be able to,
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you know, put on your God glasses and see it from that different perspective,
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really analyze, okay, what is within my locus of control.
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Again, your own thoughts, your own emotions, your own actions,
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your own decisions, your own morals, your own values, your own
00:22:28
gifts. And what is outside of my locus control?
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Circumstances, other people's thoughts, other people's emotions,
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all of those things. And when you can start to see that,
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you can really understand and
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really work on creating this holy headspace? And
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I promise, if you take some time to do this, you're going to show up
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differently. You're going to be a different person.
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Navigating the holidays this year. You're gonna. You're gonna have really
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so much mental and emotional peace as well as fortitude
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to navigate kind of the chaos that comes with that.
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And so that's like, you know, the situation that happened with subbing it was
00:23:10
a matter of, I can't make these girls do this work.
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I can't. I can't be responsible for whatever's going
00:23:17
to happen when they have to turn this assignment in. I could have encouraged them.
00:23:21
I could do the things that I felt like I had control over,
00:23:25
which was my own thoughts, my own emotions, my own
00:23:28
actions. And I acted from that place.
00:23:32
So I can walk away from that situation feeling peace
00:23:36
and knowing like, hey, I stuck within my own integrity. I
00:23:40
stuck within my own morals and values instead of really
00:23:44
falling into manipulation or, you know,
00:23:47
really letting them kind of bully me around and. And,
00:23:53
you know, try to fit into whatever this cool teacher
00:23:56
Persona was, but understanding at some point, that
00:24:00
division of control was split,
00:24:05
and I stayed within my locus of control and I could walk
00:24:09
away from that situation. I could walk away from the end of that day
00:24:12
and make a decision from there and feel at peace with the way that
00:24:16
I handled it and know that, again, I
00:24:20
cannot control other people's actions, the things they say, the things they
00:24:24
do, the things they think. And I think that this is a really important
00:24:27
lesson as we start to get into the holidays because I do think that it
00:24:31
allows us to set some healthy boundaries and, and gives us tools to be able
00:24:34
to stick with those boundaries. So thank
00:24:38
you for joining me on this little detour from what I actually had planned. But
00:24:42
I thought it was just so important to kind of talk through, to give you
00:24:45
some tools because my prayer for you is to really
00:24:49
be able to have peace during the holidays, to not feel
00:24:53
the overwhelm, to not feel the stress
00:24:57
and maybe the. The triggers that come with
00:25:01
being in some of these social, social situations with family and
00:25:05
friends, but really being able to focus on what you can
00:25:08
control, hold on to your peace, and really be able
00:25:12
to enjoy the holiday season. So thanks again for spending some time
00:25:16
with me this week. I'm so excited about next week as
00:25:20
we really get into talking about this idea of
00:25:23
writing the next generation chapter of your sacred story, y'. All. I'm really,
00:25:27
really so excited about it and what that's going to look like to. To
00:25:31
share that with you. But I hope you have
00:25:35
a beautiful and blessed week. I have, you know, praying
00:25:38
for anyone who is traveling over the
00:25:42
upcoming holidays. I know some people will begin traveling this
00:25:45
weekend for the Thanksgiving holiday. I
00:25:49
pray for safe travels. I pray for, for peace and for
00:25:54
a time of connection and gratitude as we go
00:25:57
through the holiday season. And we'll talk soon. Bye.