Back-to-school season has a way of making us feel like we should get our entire lives back on track.
We should exercise more. Pray more. Get organized. Eat better. Volunteer. Finally tackle that project we've been putting off.
But before you turn everything you noticed in your back-to-school reset into another list of goals, there's an important question to ask:
Is this something God is actually inviting me toward—or something I just think I should be doing?
In part two of our three-part Back-to-School series, we're talking about the difference between what I'm calling "should goals" and "soul goals." Because sometimes the problem isn't that we lack discipline or motivation. Sometimes we're trying really hard to accomplish goals that were never ours to pursue in the first place.
We'll talk about how comparison, guilt, expectations, and the pressure to prove ourselves can quietly influence the goals we set. And we'll shift the conversation from simply asking, "What do I want to accomplish?" to a much deeper question:
"Lord, who are You inviting me to become?"
We'll also revisit the Gospel story of the loaves and fishes and consider what it can teach us about our own discernment. Instead of focusing on everything we don't have—the time, energy, confidence, resources, or perfect circumstances—we'll ask: What's already in my basket?
In this episode:
🎯 Discover how to recognize a "should goal" versus a "soul goal"
🙏 Shift your focus from what you want to accomplish to who God may be inviting you to become
🧺 Use the story of the loaves and fishes to look at the gifts, resources, opportunities—and even limitations—already in your basket
👣 Learn why discerning one small, faithful next step may be more important than overhauling your entire life
If you've been feeling pressure to reinvent yourself now that the kids are back in school, this episode is your invitation to slow down and discern what's actually worthy of your yes.
Because God isn't asking you to be faithful with someone else's life. He's inviting you to offer Him what He's already placed in your hands.
You don't need ten new goals or a perfectly optimized life.
Maybe there's simply one area God keeps bringing to your attention, one thing that needs tending, or one small next step He's asking you to take.
What's already in your basket—and what might God be asking you to do with it?
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I should work out more. I should be more organized.
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I should spend more time in prayer.
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I should finally start that thing I've been talking about.
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We use the word should all the time.
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And the tricky thing is, most of the things that come after it are actually good things.
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But just because something is good, does that mean God is asking you to do it?
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Because maybe the reason we struggle to follow through on some of our goals isn't that we're lazy or undisciplined or unmotivated.
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Maybe sometimes we're pursuing goals that were never really ours to begin with.
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Today we're continuing our Back-to-School series by talking about the difference between what I'm calling a should goal and a soul goal—and how we can begin discerning what God might actually be inviting us toward in this season.
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Welcome back to the Nourished to Bloom podcast,
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where faith and wellness come together as we learn what it looks like to care for the whole person—mind,
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body, and soul—with Christ at the center of it all.
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We are in part two of our three-part Back- to-School series.
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And if you haven't listened to last week's episode yet,
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I'd encourage you to go back and listen because we're building on that conversation today.
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Last week, I asked you to do something that probably felt a little counterintuitive during this back-to- school season.
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I asked you not to immediately do anything.
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Which, if you're anything like me, can be harder than actually doing something.
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Because once I notice a problem, I want to fix it.
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If I realize I'm tired, I immediately start figuring out what time I need to go to bed.
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If I recognize that my prayer life hasn't been what I want it to be,
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I'm already mentally rearranging my morning.
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If I realize the house feels chaotic, suddenly I'm pricing closet organizers.
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We like solutions.
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But last week, instead of jumping into solutions, I asked you to simply notice.
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How am I feeling physically? What's taking up my mental and emotional headspace?
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How is my relationship with God?
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How are my relationships with the people around me?
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What's been stirring in me lately? What feels like it needs tending?
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And then we ended with the question: Lord, what are You inviting me into in this season?
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Because awareness gives us the opportunity for discernment.
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And that's where we're going today.
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Now that we've noticed, how do we decide what actually deserves our attention?
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There's something about the beginning of the school year that makes me feel like I need a new life.
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I don't know if it's the school supplies or the fresh notebooks or just finally getting everyone back onto a schedule,
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but this time of year has a little bit of that January energy to it.
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Summer is over. We're getting back into routines.
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And suddenly it feels like this is our chance to get everything back on track.
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Maybe you've had some version of this conversation with yourself: Okay,
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now that the kids are back in school,
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I'm really going to get consistent with working out again.
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And I need to get back into a better prayer routine.
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And while I'm at it,
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I really need to clean out that closet because I've been saying I'm going to do it since March.
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And I should probably meal plan again.
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Oh, and I've been meaning to volunteer at school.
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And suddenly what started as,
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I'd like to take better care of myself this fall,
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has somehow become a complete overhaul of your entire existence.
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And we're excited about it! For about twelve days. Then somebody gets sick.
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Practice changes. You don't sleep well.
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There's a school project nobody told you about until 8:37 the night before it's due.
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Your beautiful new routine starts falling apart,
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and pretty soon we're looking at ourselves thinking:
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Why can't I ever stick with anything? So we decide we need more discipline.
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Or more motivation. Or maybe a better planner.
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And sure, sometimes following through does require discipline.
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But I wonder if there's a question we need to ask even before that:
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Was this the right goal in the first place?
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Because we spend a lot of time figuring out how to achieve our goals without ever stopping to ask why we chose them.
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I've talked about the word should before on this podcast because it's such an interesting word.
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It sounds responsible. I should exercise more. I should eat healthier.
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I should pray more consistently. I should volunteer. I should keep the house cleaner.
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I should spend more quality time with my kids.
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I should make more time for my husband.
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I should be doing more with my business.
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And notice—none of those things are bad. That's what makes this difficult.
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Usually we're not trying to discern between something obviously good and something obviously bad.
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We're looking at five, ten,
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maybe twenty good things we could be doing and trying to figure out which of them actually belong to us.
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Because there are more good things available to you than you could possibly do.
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You could volunteer at school and at church. You could join the Bible study.
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You could exercise every day. You could cook every meal from scratch.
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You could have regular date nights and individual dates with every child and keep up with all your friendships and call your mom and finally organize the garage.
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All good things. But you cannot do all the good things.
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And I think sometimes we unconsciously believe that if something is good,
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then saying no to it means we're doing something wrong.
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But God hasn't asked us to do every good thing.
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He's asking us to be faithful with the life He's actually given us.
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And that requires discernment.
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So one thing I've started to find really helpful is simply getting curious whenever I hear myself say, I should.
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Instead of immediately obeying the thought, I can ask: Wait.
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Where did that come from? Because sometimes I genuinely don't know.
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Maybe I see another mom who is volunteering for everything at school,
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and suddenly I start feeling guilty because I'm not.
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Or I see someone on Instagram talking about her 5 a.m.
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morning routine and think, well, clearly I need to wake up earlier.
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Or I hear someone talk about how important family dinners are,
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and suddenly I'm questioning whether I'm doing family life correctly because three nights this week we're eating at completely different times because of sports.
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We absorb these little messages constantly. This is what a good mom does.
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This is what a healthy woman does.
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This is what a faithful Catholic woman does.
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This is what a successful business owner does.
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And none of the people we're observing even have to tell us that.
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We create the expectation ourselves. Then we build goals around it.
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And that's where I've been thinking about this distinction between what I'm calling a should goal and a soul goal.
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Now, this isn't some official theological category.
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It's just language that I think helps us look underneath the goal.
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Because a should goal is often trying to prove something.
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Maybe I'm trying to prove that I'm disciplined enough.
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Or that I'm a good enough mom. Or that I have it together.
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Maybe I'm trying to make my body look a certain way because I think I'll finally feel confident when it does.
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Maybe I'm saying yes to something because I'm afraid of disappointing someone.
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There's usually pressure underneath it. And often comparison.
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A soul goal is different because it comes from a deeper place.
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It's connected to who we are, what we value,
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the gifts God has given us and what He's doing in our lives right now.
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And I want to be careful here because I don't mean that God's invitations always feel peaceful and easy.
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Sometimes the thing God is asking us to do is terrifying.
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Sometimes we'd actually prefer if He'd stop bringing it up.
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You can feel afraid and still recognize that something matters.
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You can feel unqualified and still feel drawn toward it.
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You can think, I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to do this,
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and yet every time you bring it to prayer,
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there's something there that you can't quite dismiss.
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That's very different from the frantic energy of, everyone else seems to be doing this, so I probably should too.
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This is where I think traditional goal setting can sometimes get us backward.
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Usually we start with: What do I want to accomplish?
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But years ago, I started using an exercise in some of my goal-setting work that I call a Being List.
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Instead of beginning with what I want to do, I start by asking who I want to be.
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And I think we can take that even deeper as women of faith and ask:
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Lord, who are You inviting me to become in this season?
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Maybe when you sit with that question, you realize that what you're really longing for is to become more present.
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Maybe you've noticed that you're physically with your family all the time,
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but your mind is constantly somewhere else—thinking about what needs to get done,
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checking your phone, planning tomorrow.
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So maybe the goal isn't spend more time with my family.
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You're already spending a lot of time with them.
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Maybe the invitation is to become a woman who is more present to the time she's already spending with them.
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Or maybe you recognize that fear has been making a lot of decisions for you lately.
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There's something you've felt drawn toward, but every time you consider taking a step, you talk yourself out of it.
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Maybe what God is forming in you isn't productivity. Maybe it's courage.
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Or maybe you went through the check-in from last week's episode and realized you're just tired.
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You don't need another project.
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You don't need to optimize another area of your life.
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Maybe God is teaching you that being a faithful woman also means knowing when to receive,
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when to rest and when to stop proving your worth through how much you can carry.
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That's why I love asking who before what.
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Because then the things we do become an expression of who we're becoming.
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The goal isn't the point. Formation is the point.
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And once we understand that, we can start to see why we can't label certain goals as good or bad.
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Take exercise.
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Two women could have the exact same goal: I want to move my body three times a week.
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For one woman,
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that goal might be coming from standing in front of the mirror,
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criticizing her body,
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thinking about the weight she gained over the summer and deciding she needs to get herself under control.
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There's fear and shame driving the goal.
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But another woman could say, you know what?
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I've noticed I'm not feeling like myself. I'm more irritable.
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I don't have much energy. I miss feeling strong.
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When I move my body regularly, I sleep better and I handle stress better.
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I want to start making space for movement again because caring for my body helps me show up for the life God has given me.
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Same goal. Completely different root.
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Or let's say you've been thinking about getting more involved at your parish.
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You can say yes because you feel guilty.
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Somebody asked, they really need help, and you think, I'm home during the day.
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I should be doing more.
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Or maybe you've been sitting at Mass week after week and there's a particular ministry that keeps catching your attention.
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You hear them talk about it and think, I would actually love to do that.
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You bring it to prayer.
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You realize you have gifts that could serve those people.
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The idea keeps coming back. Again, same action.
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But one is being driven by guilt and the other is emerging from discernment.
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So when we're deciding what deserves our yes, we can't only ask: Is this a good thing?
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We also need to ask: What's underneath my desire to do it?
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And that brings me back to one of my favorite Gospel stories and one we've talked about before on this podcast—the feeding of the five thousand.
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I love this story because I think the disciples respond exactly the way I would respond.
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There's this enormous crowd of hungry people and Jesus basically tells them, okay, let's feed them.
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And the disciples start doing the math. There are thousands of people here.
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Where are we going to get the food?
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How much is this going to cost? This is impossible.
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In John's Gospel, Andrew notices this boy who has five barley loaves and two fish.
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And I always love what happens next because Andrew points out what they have and then essentially dismisses it in the same breath.
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There's a boy here with five loaves and two fish—but what good is that?
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And don't we do exactly that?
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We can recognize what God has given us and immediately follow it with a but.
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I've always wanted to write, but I don't have enough time.
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I feel like I could help women with this, but I'm not qualified enough.
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I'd really love to take better care of myself, but this season is so busy.
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I have this idea, but someone else is already doing it.
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I have thirty minutes, but thirty minutes isn't enough.
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And because what we have doesn't look sufficient for the entire outcome, we dismiss the offering altogether.
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But Jesus never asked that boy to feed five thousand people.
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He didn't say, go find 4 more lunches and then come back when you have enough.
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He asked for what was available. Five loaves. Two fish.
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And then Jesus did the multiplying.
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I think that's such an important distinction for those of us who tend to believe everything depends on us.
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So as you're thinking about what God might be inviting you toward this school year,
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maybe instead of immediately focusing on everything you lack, you could ask:
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What's already in my basket? And I don't just mean your obvious gifts.
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Look at your actual life.
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Maybe you've been feeling this desire to connect more deeply with other women.
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You don't have time to start a group or lead a Bible study,
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but you do sit at soccer practice twice a week next to the same mom.
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Maybe that's in the basket.
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Maybe you want to take better care of your body,
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but you genuinely don't have an hour every morning to exercise.
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You do have twenty minutes after school drop-off three days a week.
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That's in the basket.
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Maybe there's something creative or professional you've been wanting to pursue,
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but this isn't the season when you can give it twenty hours a week.
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Could you give it two? What's in the basket?
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And I think our limitations belong in that conversation too.
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We tend to think our limitations are the things preventing us from doing God's will.
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But God knows you have children who need you.
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He knows your husband's work schedule. He knows you have aging parents.
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He knows what your finances look like.
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He knows what your energy and capacity are right now.
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He knows that Tuesday night is baseball practice and Wednesday is religious education and somehow everyone still expects dinner.
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None of that is a surprise to Him.
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So maybe instead of asking God to reveal His plan for some imaginary version of our life where we have unlimited time,
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energy and resources, we ask:
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What are You inviting me to do with the life I actually have?
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Because that's the life He's given us.
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I also want to make one distinction here because I think it's important when we talk about desire.
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Just because you want something doesn't automatically mean God is telling you to pursue it right now.
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But I also don't think we should immediately dismiss our desires.
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Desire gives us information.
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It's something we can bring into prayer and get curious about.
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Why does this matter to me? Why does this keep coming back?
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What is underneath this desire? Is this something for now?
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Could it be for later?
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Or is there a smaller version of the invitation for this season?
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Maybe you've wanted to write a book for years,
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but when you look honestly at your life,
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this isn't the season to write an entire book.
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That doesn't mean you throw away the desire.
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Maybe you start writing for fifteen minutes every Friday.
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Maybe you long for deeper friendships, but you don't need to immediately create an elaborate women's group.
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Maybe there's one woman you've been meaning to invite to coffee.
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Maybe you want a deeper prayer life,
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but you've convinced yourself that counts only if you wake up an hour before everyone else and have this beautiful uninterrupted prayer time.
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Maybe your actual invitation is ten quiet minutes with God after school drop-off.
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Sometimes I think we miss God's invitation because we're looking for the finished product.
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And He's simply asking us for the next faithful step.
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I don't want to end this episode by giving you another giant checklist because that would kind of defeat the purpose of everything we just talked about.
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Instead, take whatever came up for you during last week's whole-person check-in and sit with it a little longer.
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If there's something you think you should be doing, ask yourself where that should came from.
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Is it comparison? Guilt? Fear? An expectation you've picked up somewhere along the way?
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Or is there something deeper underneath it?
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Then ask the question we talked about earlier: Who is God inviting me to become through this?
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Maybe what looks like a fitness goal is actually an invitation to care for your body with more respect.
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Maybe what looks like a business goal is really God developing courage in you.
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Maybe what looks like a scheduling problem is actually an invitation to become more present.
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And then look down at your hands and ask: What's already here?
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What's in my basket? Not what would be available if your life were different.
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Not what another woman has. What do you have to offer God right now?
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Because maybe that's where the goal begins.
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And maybe this is the permission some of us need heading into this school year: You don't need ten goals.
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You don't need to improve every area of your life at once.
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You don't have to become healthier, more organized, more prayerful, more productive,
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a better wife, a better mother,
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a better friend and finally clean out the garage all before Christmas.
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Maybe there's one thing God keeps bringing your attention back to.
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One area that needs tending. One desire that won't quite go away. One invitation.
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One small next step. That might be enough.
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Because we're not trying to optimize our lives. We're trying to live them faithfully.
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And sometimes faithfulness looks much smaller and quieter than we think it should.
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So last week, we asked: Where am I? We noticed.
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This week, we're asking: Where is God inviting me? We're discerning.
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And next week, we'll take that final step and ask: How do I actually live this out?
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Because recognizing the invitation is one thing.
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Making room for it in the middle of school drop-offs, work, sports practices, dinner,
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homework and all the ordinary responsibilities of our lives is something else entirely.
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And that's what I want to talk about next. Not creating another perfect routine.
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Not designing an imaginary ideal week.
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But creating rhythms that support the woman God is actually inviting you to become in your actual Tuesday.
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For now, though, don't rush ahead.
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Take those things you've been telling yourself you should do and bring them to God.
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Ask Him where they're coming from. Ask Him who He's forming you to become.
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And then take an honest look at what's already in your basket.
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Because maybe God isn't asking you to become a more productive version of yourself this school year.
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Maybe He's inviting you to become more fully the woman He already created you to be.
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And remember: Beauty held is the seed, beauty shared is the flower.
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It's your time to bloom.