Ep. 17 Real Talk: My Current Struggles with Body Image and How I'm Coping

[00:00:00] So, Im doing things a little different in this episode. I had this episode all planned out and a script typed up and I just really felt all my heart that I needed to share what I was going through right now instead

[00:00:16] Because one of my promises to you with the podcast was to be authentic and to share the truth and be transparent and share my experiences. And so today I'm speaking from the heart and sharing kind of my current struggles with Body Image.

[00:00:32] It's something that can come and go sometimes, and so I just wanted to share with you because I'm experiencing it right now, what this is looking like for me and how I am navigating it.

[00:00:42] I think all too often we can hear people or we can see things on social media that is just a snapshot, right? It's the picture perfect thing that they want you to hear or see and it is always the truth.

[00:00:57] And I've had a lot of experiences in these last few months of just being a part of things or seeing things and experiencing things where people didn't operate with integrity.

[00:01:07] And so I always want to do that. And so I'm going to share these struggles that I'm going through and just know that being an intuitive eater is not always easy.

[00:01:19] There's no perfect magic button that makes all of this go away, but I hope that in sharing my current struggles that I can give you a message of hope and give you a message that you can learn how to manage these things and move past them and not be stuck.

[00:01:36] And not let any sort of negative thoughts about your body pull you down into a downward spiral.

[00:01:46] And so today I'm sharing about what it is that I'm struggling with right now, why I think I'm struggling with body and then right now and then what I'm going to do that can help me move forward to move past this current phase of struggle.

[00:02:04] So I hope you'll join me. Welcome to the nearest to bloom podcast where you're fae meets your health.

[00:02:13] I'm your host, Cara Traptit, a registered dietician and certified Catholic coach, and I'm here to help you cultivate a deeper connection with your body, your spirit, and the nourishment that sustains them both.

[00:02:25] In a world filled with noise and confusion about food, health, and body image, the podcast offers truth and healing from a Christ-centered perspective. Together we'll untangle the deep roots of diaculture and discover what it means to truly care for ourselves through joyful nourishment of mind, body, and soul.

[00:02:45] We heard a dive into the transformative power of intuitive eating coupled with the rich teachings of our Christian faith.

[00:02:51] With every episode I'll be cheering you on, offering insights, inspiration and practical tools to help you heal your relationship with food, and embrace the beauty of your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit. With confidence and courage that can only be found in Christ.

[00:03:08] Join me as we journey together towards a more holistic approach to wellness, one that honors the wisdom of your body as God's creation, the teachings of our faith, and the unique purpose you're called to the Phil.

[00:03:21] You were made to bloom, to come into full beauty and health in order to bear good fruit for the Lord with your life.

[00:03:29] So if you're ready to nourish your body, feed your soul, and bloom into the best version of yourself, then you're in the right place, and I'm so happy you're here. Welcome to nourish to bloom, where every day is a sacred invitation to thrive.

[00:03:47] Hey there, welcome back to the podcast.

[00:03:50] So like I said, I'm kind of going off script today and I'm going to apologize because sometimes I can ramble if I don't have a script completely typed out, but I have some really good points and some notes that I'm going to use.

[00:04:02] But I just thought it was really important to kind of share this message about the fact that I am really, really struggling with feeling comfortable and good about my body right now.

[00:04:14] And I was on a walk with my best friend and she's my best friend. We walk most mornings. She was actually, she was my friend first, but she actually went through the intuitive eating process with me.

[00:04:26] And so because she's been doing this awhile it's always great because I can kind of tell her hey what I'm going through and then she mirrors back maybe some sort of wisdom or something I imparted on her and and it's always helpful.

[00:04:37] And so anyway, we were talking this morning and I just told her that I was just really struggling with feeling comfortable and good about my body this summer and just kind of going through some of these realizations that I was having us to why I think I'm experiencing this and then just some things that maybe I need to do to help move forward and move past some realizations that I came to.

[00:05:00] And so when we were talking about it, I told her that I still needed to record a podcast episode and I was like you know what, I think I'm going to share this message. So here we are.

[00:05:10] So at the time of this recording, it's summer here in Texas and I think that what I'm realizing is that summer tends to be a really difficult time.

[00:05:21] At least for me when it comes to body image, summer brings on a lot of struggles as it is anyway with kids being out of school and trying to manage. Some of the chaos in the lack of structure and routine that comes with that but.

[00:05:36] I think I'm seeing a pattern, at least for me, that summer tends to be a time that I really struggle with with body image and just I think.

[00:05:45] Part of the reason why I'm feeling uncomfortable and just not good about my body is I feel like I have maybe gained some weight or my body has changed somehow. Now I don't really know that that's true because I don't weigh myself.

[00:05:58] I haven't weighed myself for several years now and I don't really have any intention to weigh myself because honestly, I wouldn't know. What if any gain would be because I haven't weighed myself in so long and honestly because I know that.

[00:06:14] I'm not sure that way myself will just bring on so much mental and emotional havoc and I really don't want that. I am choosing that's a conscious choice that I am making to not put myself in that position to have the mental and emotional backlash that comes with.

[00:06:30] The scale and weighing and so anyway, I'm just feeling. Uncomfortable and so the reasons why I think I might be struggling is one just kind of how I physically feel right now.

[00:06:43] And to the way that my clothes are fitting and so like I said, I was on this walk with my friend and I told her, you know, here's here's my struggle right.

[00:06:53] I just physically feel kind of like blah and then like I'm so frustrated because I go to the store and go to try and close that are in the size that I have won for several years now.

[00:07:05] Only to put them on to try them on and they feel tight and they feel uncomfortable. Like despite the fact that I've been wearing this same size including for several years.

[00:07:15] And it's just not making a whole lot of sense and so it's causing this kind of mental back and forth in my head, right?

[00:07:23] It's frustrating to go try something on and it feels tight and uncomfortable and then like makes you think, oh, negative thoughts about your body, right?

[00:07:32] But this whole thing about having clothes at home that fit and then going to the store and trying on the same size and not having that doesn't add up. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, right? So if I kind of logically think about this.

[00:07:45] I have this theory and I cannot prove it but it leads me to think that every few years, clothing manufacturers mess with the sizeings on things.

[00:07:55] Because there have been times in the past where I've been a small and something and then like a couple years later, I go and I tried on and it's like, okay, no, I need a medium but then a couple years after that, the mediums are too big and I have to go back to a small right?

[00:08:11] So it's just this constant pack and forth.

[00:08:13] Again, I said I can't prove that this is what's happening but it's just this is what I'm experiencing and in an experiencing this it's kind of calling this negative body image to kind of to pop up because it's making me think that something's changed or it's making me think that I've done something wrong when the reality is much of what I have done has not changed at all, at least as far as my eating habits go.

[00:08:39] So this is my theory that they just changed sighted and the manufacturers met them every so many years and so this is like.

[00:08:47] Talk about like working in cahoots with diet culture, right? It ensures that people are always buying clothes and then it ensures people are trying to lose weight so like I said can't prove it but.

[00:08:59] I've really really makes me wonder and so in the fact that this is one of the struggles that I'm having.

[00:09:05] One of the things that I'm doing is you know just sizing up right it's really not about the number on the tag it's not about what the size is it's really about being comfortable in the clothes that you're wearing and so.

[00:09:20] That that might mean that you have to size up and it the thing is is it varies from brand to brand and label to label and so just that's one of the things that I'm really focused on is grabbing multiple different sizes and just trying things on because.

[00:09:36] You just never know what it's going to be so.

[00:09:40] That's kind of how I'm handling that situation because I just if I look at like the logic in the truth, if the clothes that I have at home are fitting and they're the same side is what I'm trying on then it's really not my body that is the problem right and I and I have to rest and then I have to believe that but it does take a little bit of effort.

[00:10:01] But I know that despite all of this despite the fact that maybe I've gained some weight despite the fact that I'm feeling uncomfortable in my body, I know.

[00:10:09] That I cannot and I will not go on until I get because I know the truth that it's going to cause more damage than it does good in the long run.

[00:10:18] And honestly just the thought of having to follow something so strict and so rigid or count calories or. Gosh, whatever that would look like it just it's like gives me this cringe factor and I like I just can't do it.

[00:10:36] I can't go back to obsessing about weight and obsessing about food because y'all can't tell me point where I enjoy my life too much.

[00:10:45] I enjoy the things that I get to focus on, I get to enjoy focusing on my kids, I get to enjoy focusing on building the business that's helping women and I get to enjoy.

[00:10:57] Taking time for the things that are really important like growing in my relationship with the Lord and my family and my husband, like I enjoy my life too darn much to fall back into that dieting trap.

[00:11:10] I also know that fixating on losing weight is not what is going to help me with my current body image struggles and I had to get really curious about it and I ask myself, okay, Cara.

[00:11:24] If you're struggling with your body right now, why like why what are you going through what could be the reasons why you were feeling uncomfortable in your body. And while maybe I really have gained weight, like I said, I don't know.

[00:11:38] I can think of some other things, some other habits and other behaviors, some other things that are going on that may be attributing to just me being uncomfortable in my body.

[00:11:51] And so one of them that I think I've come to the realization of, it's summer and it's hot. The sweating and the heat, I think, can really make you feel very uncomfortable in your body just because you're more aware of it, right?

[00:12:08] You're more aware of what you're experiencing, what you're feeling this sweat on your body and like the sweat in.

[00:12:16] Not fun places, right? And so you're just kind of like hyper aware of that and hyper aware of your body and you just it like sweating and that heat, well, it just makes you feel.

[00:12:26] Gross, right? And so somewhere along the way, it's kind of like we make this connection of like the new body feels gross and that's just really not true.

[00:12:35] The other thing about it being summer and it's hot is that there's a lot of likelihood of water attention because of the heat.

[00:12:43] And like that can lead to swelling and that could be attributing to just feeling uncomfortable, right? Like just your hands are always swelling, maybe you're feet are swelling and it just makes you feel swollen, right?

[00:12:57] And you don't really like the way that that feels at least that's kind of what I'm realizing and experiencing. Another thing that I think is attributing to the body image struggle is that it's summer and it swimsuit season.

[00:13:11] And this is a tough one, like just by the nature of it being summer, it swimsuit season which can be rough for anyone who has struggled with body image because by default we're wearing less clothing.

[00:13:27] And that can make you hyper focus on your body and how it looks. And also bathing suits can be kind of tight and constricting which again makes you hyper wear or hyper aware of how your body is feeling.

[00:13:41] And like if you have after the heat into that when I'm feeling hot, like I don't enjoy wearing tight clothing. So swimsuits can be very, very uncomfortable. And I think you know, I also personally don't like to show a lot of cleavage.

[00:13:56] I like to kind of protect my upper chest area, a lot of it due to skin cancer type of things. But I just don't feel comfortable wearing like low cut swimsuits or low cut shirts and it's really difficult to find swimsuits that don't have that level of exposure.

[00:14:13] And so if you feel like you're kind of like constantly tugging and pulling to like cover yourself up or pull, you know, the bottoms down as they're writing up again it just creates this hyper awareness of your body and associations of like well that shouldn't happen or if I was just a smaller body this wouldn't happen.

[00:14:32] And that's that's we're just really not the truth. And so it can be really difficult to find swimsuits that you actually feel comfortable in and then I am personally very cautious with some exposure just due to the fact that I'm very fair skin.

[00:14:47] I have a lot of moles on my skin. I've had some personal experiences with people who have died rather suddenly from melanoma because it was.

[00:15:02] I'm very quickly and so I am just very hyper focused on limiting my son exposure. And so with that swim swimmer can just swim where can just be challenging.

[00:15:14] But I do also know that despite this, despite the fact that I really don't feel very comfortable in swimsuits, I hadn't found one that I feel like I actually love but I also know that I can't let those thoughts or that negativity that comes with that.

[00:15:31] It made me from enjoying jumping in a pool on a hot day or going to the beach and making memories with my kids and my family. Like that's kind of far outlay whatever I have on my body as far as a swimsuit.

[00:15:46] And so it's really starting to make me think and plan forward of like what are my other options besides a swimsuit, right? Maybe it's more of a board short and a sports brawls hop in a sun shirt over that.

[00:15:59] Or they have like ton just looking today like maybe it's a swim dress. I saw this really cool swim romper thing that looks neat and that could be pretty functional and comfortable for at the beach.

[00:16:11] So just really like working towards choosing clothes and choosing swimwear that makes me feel comfortable and allows me to show up and be you know the mom and be the friend and be the wife that I want to be when we're in these different situations of making memories and being you know in the water and at the beach and what not.

[00:16:36] Third kind of realization I had of why I might be struggling with my body and then right now is it's summer and we have zero routine or structure.

[00:16:47] And if you are a mom who's in the summer and you have some really great structure and routine like that's fantastic like I'm really really glad and happy that you can make that work for you it's not something that.

[00:17:02] It's working really well for us because our days and our weeks are kind of all over the place like there's times that our kids my kids have camp one week and then the next week we don't have anything and then the next week we're going on vacation so it gets really difficult to try to get into any sort of routine.

[00:17:19] And so that means that I am all out of whack and the kids are all out of whack and so just being out of whack.

[00:17:27] I think it's really playing into that because I don't there's no productivity right and because I don't have a routine I'm not doing the habits and the things that I normally do when my kids are in school.

[00:17:39] And so that means that you know there's there's some room for growth there's there's some room to kind of evaluate like how can I go back and make some of these things a priority.

[00:17:49] But I do believe that this is a huge factor in me being uncomfortable in my body right now because without having sort of any sort of routine or structure like.

[00:17:59] And it's summer I'm just staying up later than I normally do during the school year and so I know that I'm not getting enough sleep because like my husband still has to get up and go to work so it's not like I really have the opportunity to sleep in there.

[00:18:13] And so you know I'm also because I'm not going to bed at and you kind of mind normal time I'm also not getting up early to spend time with scripture or do my devotional which is very very important for my headspace and so.

[00:18:29] I just kind of gotten lazy with that and it's not something that I really want to admit but it's true I have kind of you've gotten lazy with it.

[00:18:37] And so, um, you know that's definitely playing into it because I'm kind of getting infiltration from the enemy and from other things that I'm seeing and I'm not going to the source of where I need to find truth to start my day or to.

[00:18:52] Kind of reassure me or equip me with kind of that truth and the those thoughts that I need to to get through the day and not be kind of worried or uncomfortable in in my body.

[00:19:07] Because I don't have any sort of routine and structure, I'm not really committed to an exercise routine like some mornings I get to go for a walk but I'm not being able to maybe incorporate some of those other types of exercise or activity that.

[00:19:23] You know, really help with the strength building or the core or our bar the ways that I enjoy moving my body and so because I kind of slowed down on that.

[00:19:32] I'm not you know, I'm not using the muscles the way that I was and so there's just kind of I feel that physically in in my body and so not having this. You know, kind of routine is you know, playing into that uncomfortableness in in my own body.

[00:19:48] It's also summer and so because we're on vacation because we don't really have this routine.

[00:19:55] We're taking more trips. We're also eating out more and so I know that I'm not you know necessarily able to focus on getting the nutrient intense foods that I enjoy and that keep me feeling good.

[00:20:07] So that also is playing into how I'm feeling about my body because when I eat well and I know it's my body well, I feel good.

[00:20:15] The other thing about it being summer is there's just I'm drinking more alcohol than I normally do because it's just fun to sit by the pool and enjoy a cocktail with friends.

[00:20:26] Right, and so you kind of fall into that habit of like, oh, it's summer happy hour or let's have a cocktail kind of you know in the day beat the heat kind of thing.

[00:20:36] So I think all of these things are just this lack of routine, this lack of structure is just kind of one domino after the other and that's definitely impacting the way that I'm feeling.

[00:20:45] And I think really the last thing is that I think I'm dealing I think some stress from the last few months are it's really catching up to me.

[00:20:56] So over the last few months my husband's company was being bought out and that caused a lot of uncertainty in our family.

[00:21:03] We didn't really know what that meant for us we didn't know who if it meant that we had to move we didn't know if it meant that my husband would have a job, but you know what we're going to do with the kids if we moved.

[00:21:14] When we want to move with this company, if he's was offered a severance would we take that just all sorts of these uncertainty things and within this. I'm kind of a naturally optimistic person.

[00:21:27] I just kind of this have this natural like attitude of it's all going to work out.

[00:21:32] My husband is kind of the complete opposite so through all of this, I had to be the encourager and reassure him and reassure the kids that like it's all going to be okay.

[00:21:43] We're going to figure this out like God has always been on our side he's always provided for us. He's not going to stop now he's been with us through everything every decision that we've made up until this point and he's not going to stop now.

[00:21:57] And you know it's all worked out great everything's good we we aren't having to move.

[00:22:02] My husband was able to accept a job with a new company like it's going to be fine, but I still think that I'm experiencing maybe some lingering stress and some lingering feelings from going through that experience and they're kind of manifesting themselves physically right now.

[00:22:17] And so I don't want you to think that I'm using any of these things as an excuse, but it was just a way to kind of paint a picture of like how as an intuitive either how I kind of go through.

[00:22:29] These different puzzle pieces and really get curious about why I'm feeling a certain way or why I'm experiencing this certain thing because when you are kind of stuck in that diet culture mentality.

[00:22:42] I think goes back to blaming yourself that you didn't lose weight or the answer to every problem is just to lose weight and then the answer to every time this doesn't work is that you just didn't try hard enough or there's something wrong with you.

[00:22:55] And an intuitive eating really helps you learn that that is not true. It really helps you start to dig deep and get curious and see, huh what have an I thought of what could be a contributing factor to this.

[00:23:08] And so I'm just using this as a kind of a way to kind of paint a picture of how all these factors could be affecting the way that I'm feeling about my body.

[00:23:17] Because I have that level of self awareness and that's what I aim to teach you in any of my intuitive eating programs is to help build that self awareness. Instead of that all or nothing mindset that diet mentality tries to put out there.

[00:23:31] Some of these factors could be affecting me on an individually how I'm feeling while others some of these could be compounding together, especially like that routine right like not having routine. This, this and this all of that's compounding together and creating this cascade that's leading to my struggles.

[00:23:49] And so while I can't control this situation right I do know that I can control my thoughts about how I'm feeling about this and if I can control my thoughts I can change the feeling and I can change the actions.

[00:24:03] So instead of beating myself up or feeling like. Okay, you're in comfortable in your body that means that you need to lose weight and change your body.

[00:24:11] I can instead lean on the Lord and surrender this struggle to them because he knows suffering better than anybody and he'll be by my side through all of this struggle through all of this difficulty.

[00:24:24] And I know that there are some things that I can change there are some things that I can. Work on that can make this struggle less of a struggle and I also know that this isn't going to last forever.

[00:24:41] School will start again in August and I know that just a big one is like being back on some sort of routine is really going to help me and so part of it is just being patient right part of it is just knowing like okay at this point in time and this season.

[00:24:58] This might not change I might still struggle through this but I know that I can't I know that I have a choice and a lot let it completely undo me right and so I can know that I can be patient and realize okay.

[00:25:10] What I am called to do right now is to be moms my kids during the summer and that means that some of these other things are going to go by the wayside and if the consequence of that means that I'm having somebody image struggles and that's just kind of wearing am but it also gives me that I again

[00:25:24] I'm not an opportunity to work through this to work through my emotions to do the mindset work and to trust in the Lord.

[00:25:32] But patients is not always easy and I get that but just I think it's just again that surrender piece and I can work on making some adjustments and really making some better choices that will help me manage these body image struggles this summer so I can really be focused on how God is calling me to serve and the vocation that he's calling me to live in this person.

[00:25:54] I can make sure that I'm in bed and the lights are out by a certain reasonable time each week day, right so I've been staying up later on the weekdays maybe I go back to you know setting myself up for a bedtime during the week so then I can enjoy later night on the weekends.

[00:26:15] I also know that like I might not be able to incorporate the variety of exercise I want I know that I can commit to moving my body in some way for 20 to 30 minutes.

[00:26:26] A few times to you know most days out of the week going for a walk and inviting the kids to go along putting on the roller blades and getting everybody out there right.

[00:26:36] And this is where you know getting outside and having to break that up can be really really key.

[00:26:41] I also know that I can cut back on the alcohol I'm drinking and know that like I can still enjoy spending time with friends and I am still a fun person even if I am not drinking.

[00:26:53] I think sometimes I feel really pressured to drink to make sure that like I'm fun or I'm having a good time or that you know my friends are going to enjoy being around me right and the thing is that's not true like my friends enjoy being around me even when I'm sober and I can enjoy things more.

[00:27:13] And not have you know kind of this side effect of drinking too much alcohol kind of get in the way so that's just something that again the mindset work of what is true and what is not true.

[00:27:23] Where is the enemy trying to sneak in and make me believe these lies? I also know that I can work on managing my stress by ensuring that I have good coping skills.

[00:27:34] Really going back to my devotional and scripture reading in the morning to kind of set myself up on on the right foot for the rest of the day so then I'm going to go ahead space as I'm parenting throughout the day.

[00:27:47] I know that getting good sleep and managing my mindset will also help me manage my stress and guys like just that bottom line is I can choose my thoughts.

[00:27:56] I can choose what I think about myself and my body and what I choose is to root what I believe about myself and what God says about me not what the world is saying.

[00:28:10] And you have that choice to you can choose to root what you believe about yourself and about your body and like God's truth is you all being an intuitive eater and living a faith led wellness lifestyle is not always easy there's no perfection to be found in it.

[00:28:29] But I do know that if you were to become an intuitive eater and you really lived a faith led wellness lifestyle you can learn how to manage these struggles when they come up because they don't go away completely.

[00:28:43] But you can learn how to manage them without it leading to a downward spiral you can learn to move past them and you can like just rest and knowing that you are a beloved daughter and because of that.

[00:28:56] You don't need to worry about these things and it's so temporary. So just know that again, I'm sharing from the heart I'm speaking kind of one I'm experiencing because you may be experiencing it too.

[00:29:12] I feel like it was a little risky because not all of you are as far along in your intuitive eating journey as I am and I don't ever want to kind of scare you away from the hope that this can bring by sharing, you know, any of the struggles that I go through.

[00:29:27] But I really believe strongly in the truth and integrity and being transparent with you and never promising you something that could never be delivered on like there are no guarantees in life, but I do know that.

[00:29:45] This this journey is the one for me and I believe it's the one for so many of you so just.

[00:29:53] Trust that right just know that you're more than your body that you don't have to be a victim to these body image struggles and that there are ways that you can move past it and then you can get to a point of acceptance and and even confidence I will fully admit that there are times like I am so confident in my body and what it does for me.

[00:30:15] And that there's just sometimes these things that happen that pop up and kind of hit you out of nowhere and you're like oh wow.

[00:30:22] But if you get curious you can usually get to the bottom of it usually get to the root of it and managing that mindset and managing those thoughts and then taking the actions that you can can really help you move past that in a very effective and efficient way so.

[00:30:40] I'm going to leave you with again if you are interested in starting your intuitive eating journey. I do have some one on one coaching opportunities becoming available and then I will be starting a group coaching experience.

[00:30:54] This fall so if you want any more information on that be sure to snag one of those free sessions for you wellness audit session with me you can find the link for that.

[00:31:05] And the episode description episode show notes and I can't wait to see you in that session. I know a couple of you have already taken in van and javit and we have those sessions coming up here in the next few weeks so.

[00:31:19] Can't wait to see you in there be sure to sign up for that if you are interested again in one on one coaching or being put on the wait list or that group coaching experience because.

[00:31:30] Yeah, this this is just too good to pass up and just being able to move past all of this chaos of diet culture and just know that. By doing this you you.

[00:31:44] That's just move past what's kept you from doing that you leave important work that's going to bear really good fruit in your life and. Good glory to you to God so take care God bless and I will talk to you soon. Bye.