Ep. 117 The Melancholic: The Keystone | Living Stones Series (Part 3)

[00:00:00] This week on the Nourished to Bloom podcast, we are in week three of our Living Stones series. And I have to tell you that this episode is for those deep feelers, the overthinkers, the perfectionists, the ones who noticed everything. And honestly, I think it's one that so many of you are going to feel seen in. So come on, join us. Welcome to the Nourished to Bloom podcast, where your faith meets your health. I'm your host, Kara Trochta, a registered dietitian and certified Catholic coach.

[00:00:30] And I'm here to help you cultivate a deeper connection with your body, your spirit and the nourishment that sustains them both. In a world filled with noise and confusion about food, health and body image, this podcast offers truth and healing from a Christ centered perspective. Together, we'll untangle the deep roots of diet culture and discover what it means to truly care for ourselves through joyful nourishment of mind, body and soul.

[00:00:56] We're here to dive into the transformative power of intuitive eating, coupled with the rich teachings of our Christian faith. With every episode, I'll be cheering you on, offering insights, inspiration and practical tools to help you heal your relationship with food and embrace the beauty of your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit. With confidence and courage that can only be found in Christ.

[00:01:20] Join me as we journey together towards a more holistic approach to wellness, one that honors the wisdom of your body as God's creation, the teachings of our faith and the unique purpose you're called to fulfill. You were made to bloom, to come into full beauty and health in order to bear good fruit for the Lord with your life. So if you're ready to nourish your body, feed your soul and bloom into the best version of yourself, then you're in the right place. And I'm so happy you're here.

[00:01:50] Welcome to Nourished to Bloom, where every day is a sacred invitation to thrive. Hey there, welcome back to the Nourish to Bloom podcast. This is the place where your faith meets your health, your identity and your everyday life. So happy to be spending some time here with you this week as we dive into week three of our Living Stone series. And I just want to take a minute and reflect on the fact that this last weekend in the church we celebrated Pentecost,

[00:02:21] the birth of the church, the gift of the Holy Spirit descending upon the apostles and how we have each received that Holy Spirit living within us. And that is, I think, really what this Living Stone series embodies is that we have the Holy Spirit living within each one of us. And the second reading for this weekend really kind of spoke to me in this idea of the Holy Spirit and being these Living Stones

[00:02:48] and how our temperaments help us understand kind of what it means to be a Living Stone, understanding our unique gifts, qualities, and traits. So I just want to take a minute and read from 1 Corinthians chapter 12. And it says,

[00:03:03] It says,

[00:03:33] And we were all given to drink of one Spirit. And I think that just really kind of embodies this idea of these Living Stones and what we're doing here in this Living Stone series and how our temperaments can help reveal how the Holy Spirit is manifesting these different gifts within each one of us and how within our own unique temperament, we are all those individual parts of the body of Christ, but yet we are one body.

[00:04:01] And so just anyway, love it when the Lord reminds us through scripture of the beauty of our each uniqueness, the beauty in his divine design for each of us as individuals. So, so far here in the Living Stones series, we've talked about the choleric temperament, that foundation stone, the one who builds and leads. We've talked about the sanguine, the light-filled stone who brings joy and connection. And today we're going to talk about a different kind of stone,

[00:04:29] one that isn't always the most visible but is absolutely essential, just like each living stone is essential. But if we take this image of architecture, there's something called a keystone, and it's the stone that's placed at the very top of an arch. And I saw these all throughout Rome, and it was just so fascinating. And what's really cool about the keystone is that without that keystone, that entire structure collapses. It's that piece that holds everything together, and it ensures that everything fits together.

[00:05:00] So it brings this integrity to the whole design. And so if you resonate with a melancholic temperament, you may find that you're someone who is a deep thinker. You're very thoughtful and reflective, very detail-oriented. You don't just see what's happening, but you kind of understand what it means and how all these pieces fit together. And this is such a gift because as the melancholic,

[00:05:26] you can bring depth and beauty, insight and intention to a team, to a space, to your family. And so you're often the one that notices what others are missing. You think things through very carefully, and you have this desire for things to have meaning, truth, and purpose. So you help the structure not just stand, but matter. But like we've talked about with every temperament,

[00:05:52] when we are not living within the strengths of our temperament, it can develop this tension. It's where things can get hard. And this happens as a melancholic because you see so much and you feel so deeply that it can be very difficult for you to move forward. So you might find yourself constantly overthinking decisions. You're always in your head playing out worst-case scenarios, just overthinking. Or second-guessing yourself when you do make a decision.

[00:06:21] Maybe it's looking like replaying conversations that you've had and wondering, oh, should I have said this, that, or the other thing differently? You wait to do things until things feel just right. It's kind of like this procrastination. Like you want things to be right before you make a move. And so what happens is you have this tendency to get stuck in that all or nothing thinking.

[00:06:44] And what really fuels so much of these tensions as a melancholic is this underlying belief that if it's not perfect, then I shouldn't do it. Melancholics tend to be our perfectionists. So they don't want to do anything until it's perfect. Or if they don't feel like they can do it perfectly, they don't even want to attempt. And I say this because my secondary temperament is melancholic.

[00:07:11] And so sometimes it feels like I'm two different people as the sanguine and the melancholic. But I think that they can complement each other so well. It's kind of a checks and balances system for me. But I can find myself having these really, really great ideas. But again, because I struggle with getting started, my melancholic can come up and say, well, it's not even worth doing because you're not going to do it perfectly. And so then I just kind of freeze, right? And so when we get stuck in this thought of it's not perfect, then I shouldn't do it.

[00:07:40] We freeze often in fear. And so I want to pause here because the way that we kind of coach out of this all or nothing thinking, the way that we coach out of this thought of if it's not perfect, then I shouldn't do it, is we come back to what we talk about with creating that holy headspace, that mindset work. And so I want you to notice that thought. It has to be perfect before I start.

[00:08:04] And then ask yourself, is that thought helpful in you moving forward or is it keeping you stuck? Because the truth is, is that perfection is not what God is asking of you. He's never asked any of us to be perfect. So when we get stuck in this perfectionist tendencies, we can start to recognize that this is the enemy playing on the playground of our mindset

[00:08:29] because he's like coming up with these thoughts that make us live in fear. And so then we freeze. Well, if it's not perfect or if I can't do this perfectly, then I shouldn't be doing it. But that's, that's the enemy speaking into your, your thoughts and your beliefs, not the Lord speaking into your thoughts and your beliefs, because what God is asking for is faithfulness and willingness and trust.

[00:08:54] So when we go back to this image of being a living stone, you're not meant to wait until you are perfectly shaped. Because again, we talk about this is that we are played like as we are placed is when we are being shaped. And sometimes in these different parts of our lives, these, the different seasons that we find to our lives, we are being molded and shaped into the living stone that he wants us to be in the place that we are. And God doesn't say like, get this all right.

[00:09:24] And then come to me. What he's saying is come to me and I will form you. I know how I desire you to be. And the way that I desire it is perfect, not the way that you desire it. So if any of this resonates with you, with the overthinking, the perfectionist, the all or nothing thinking, here are a few things to try this week. Take one imperfect action, not having it all figured out, but just do something in perfect.

[00:09:55] Number two, set a timer for making a decision without overthinking it. If you are weighing something, it's heavy, or you're just trying to make a decision, give yourself a timer. Say, you know, I'm going to give myself two minutes, five minutes, whatever you need to make that decision. And then at the end of that time, make the decision without overthinking it. And then number three, notice those all or nothing thoughts that come up and then gently interrupt them.

[00:10:26] Hold it up to the Lord's truth and say, what is the Lord's truth for this thought? And then remind yourself that progress is enough. My daughter is dyslexic and she had a dyslexia teacher. And we have that saying, right, like the practice makes perfect. But what her dyslexia teacher, she kind of flipped that on its head because we know that perfection is not anything that's real or achievable. And so she taught my daughter that practice makes progress.

[00:10:56] And I love that, right? That goes back to that quote that I just love of the Lord's plan for us takes a lifetime. And so we are constantly in progress, constantly uncovering and learning more about who God has created us to be over the course of our lifetime. And so as that melancholic spiritually, your growth is going to come through trust, hope, and surrender.

[00:11:22] Being able to let go of that need to have everything figured out, of needing to have everything perfect, and then allowing God to lead you where he wants you to go. As that melancholic, your depth is not a burden. The sensitivity that you feel is not a weakness. And that desire that you have for meaning and purpose for things, that is truly a reflection of God in you. But when we let that turn inward into overthinking and perfectionist,

[00:11:51] it keeps you from stepping into the very purpose that you are craving. So I want to leave you with this. What in your life are you waiting to be perfect before you start? Instead of you just being willing to start and open to the Lord and where he is calling you. And then where is God inviting you to take a step, even if it feels uncertain? Thanks again for spending this time here with me this week.

[00:12:19] If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. You can always reach out. Send me an email. It's Kara at Kara Trochta dot com. If you are this melancholic or you know somebody who is melancholic that is feeling stuck in these patterns of overthinking and perfectionism or second guessing yourself, this is exactly that work that we do in coaching to help you live within the strengths of your temperament. We take these thought patterns and we help you move forward with clarity and confidence and peace.

[00:12:48] So to get started, all you have to do is book a free session using the link that you can find in the show description. Schedule that. We'll spend some time going through and understanding what are the things that get you stuck in these patterns of overthinking and perfectionism and create this individualized, unique approach to help you shift into living your strength as a melancholic. Next week, we're going to be wrapping up the series with the phlegmatic temperament.

[00:13:14] They are our study, peacemaker stones that hold everything together. So, and if you ever felt like you've stayed in the background or you struggle to take action, you may be a phlegmatic and that episode is going to be so important for you. Remember, beauty held as a seed, beauty shared as a flower. It is your time to bloom. Take care and God bless.